Pen, the stupid Lover

It was an insane decision to go in a place just to met a guy. But for fun’s sake, I once did it. I remember that one hot sunny day of March in 2009, I went to a place that was unfamiliar to me–especially the faces there, not even a single smile would lighten my feelings as an alien to that particular town of Nueva Vizcaya. One thing I am sure of is that it was such an unforgettable moment I have in the past. It wasn’t the guy I was there for but for another guy who had contributed much in my life, who has been spicing up my mood, this guy who, at very first meeting touched my heart and my life indeed, the only guy I call “bestest friend”, my only best guy friend.I would really love to shout his name but he would not appreciate it I know. This guy has been my favorite topic in every conversation I would take in my everyday life.
At this very statement I am writing, you would no doubt say that I am in love with this certain Mr. M. I won’t be ashamed of saying “Yes, you are right.” I love to admit that I am stupidly in love with a guy who can’t return the love I give. What’s the matter anyway? We are okay and as long as we are okay in our standing as friends, I will always remain as the “most stupid insane martyr girl” in his life. I don’t care what other people would say or how they would react in my stupidity. The point is that I know where to be happy and that I am happy in his assuaging company.
I love him the way that anybody would do just for a guy.
“What the heck?” others might bumble. You care? It’s my life and it is a matter of finding my happiness. I know, you’d still not agree with me. But what can I do? I can’t resist or stop myself of loving someone who loves another girl. I am happy, that’s all.:(

PS:
I do accept advice from concerned citizens.:)

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simula ng pagbabago (hopefully)

Hay naku! Panu ku ba sisimulan?
Ganito na lang, naalala ku kasi nung gabing naiisip ko ‘tong mga gusto kong isulat ngayon. Matatakutin akong bata (he-he, bata talaga eh). I always say that I don’t believe in apparitions or ghosts since I have not seen any, but I ronically, I can’t stay in the dark alone, I’m afraid I might see one. Ha-ha! Eto kasi, nakaya kong magpunta ng banyo namin para maghilamos, nasa edge kasi siya ng bahay namin (outside the house), wee! Hindi ata tama. Ganito na lang, kumbaga kung sa “direction”, nasa south-west siya. Kuha mu? He-he. Madilim na kasi nun, walang napupuntang shade ng ilaw run tsaka nasa loob pa ng banyo yung switch ng ilaw. Hindi na kasi ginagamit yung banyo sa may kusina. Ayun! Nakapaghilamos na ako. Bow! Achievement yun men! Ha-ha!

I had many things in mind at that very instant. There was that best friend, that boyfriend and most especially, my predicament–there was that education. I am the type who really can’t take education seriously. If you’d notice me seriously reading educational books or attentively listening to our instructor, miracle yun! He-he. May mga kakilala akong araw-araw, araw-gabi, before bedtime and upon getting-up, nagbabasa muna ng book, as in routinal talaga yun and I admire them for that. Sa totoo lang, gusto kong ma’adapt ang pag-uugaling yun. SUBALIT, NGUNIT, DATAPUWA’T, kalabanin ku ba naman ang intrinsic na katamaran ko, that “K”? Ang hirap kaya.

Here I go. Gusto mo bang malaman kung anu ang gusto kong mangyari sa daily life ko? (Kahit naman ayaw mu, gusto ku pa rin i’share. Ha-ha!). Shall I start?

Eto na, sisimulan ko sa araw ng Sunday pero Monday na lang, ha-ha! (dami ko tawa ‘no?). Nagigising aku between 5-6am, aga ‘no?, 8 pa ang klase ko eh di maluwag pa ako sa time to do anything that MUST be done or NEEDED to be finished? PERO ang ugali ko, mahiga lang at mag-isip ng mga napakawalang-kwentang bagay. Diba dapat magbasa ako gaya ng mga hinahangaan kong estidyante diyan? Got the first point? Tapos okay naman ang pagprepare ko when going to school, before or on time naman. 8AM to 12AM ang klase ko, three subjects (AC, Eng., Socio)pero bakante ku pa pala ng 10-11 and we usually do some research at apo pilo libaray then when 12 comes, lunchtime ko na gang 2:30. Joke lang. Bale ang dapat kong gawin, lunch muna (siyempre) pero saglit lang naman yun. So, dapat review o magbasa muna o advance study. Yan naman ang pangalawa. MWF sched ko yan sa umaga. Pwede ko din naman idagdag and paglalaba whatsoever. Sa hapon naman, from 2:30 to 5:30 ang klase ko for two subjects (Finance at Filipino). Klase yun so klase lang talaga dapat (seriously). Then uwian na. Schedule ko sa boarding ang paghahanda ng dinner at nagagawa ko naman ang duty ko (“Thou shall not neglect your duties” ika nga) so punta tayo sa after “night-rituals” ko (paghilamos/ pagshower/ refresh). Gaya nila, I should get a book to read or go over my lessons or do my assignments kung meron man. Ayos diba? Nakakapagod na pag-aaral. He-he!Sa TTh sched ko naman. I usually wake up at around 5-6 kasi 7 ang klase ku. ayun! la aku bakante during Tuesdays and Thursdays, 7-11:30 ang class ku, no vacant time (pero pasaway kami. yenda muna pagdating ng science namin :D). We are usually dismissed earlier than expected na 11:30. ayun!!!
basta seryosong pag-aaral..
wise time management..
wise expenditure of money..
I should not squander every cent I receive from my brother, parents and from any of them–my family.
I should not kill the time with such nonsense stuffs.:)
Ayos diba?
IN SHORT..
Change for the better.
IN OTHER WORDS..
Gusto ku ma’feel pagiging estudyante ku but admittedly, I can’t easily adjust myself to where I am supposed to be. Ayun lang!
Thanks to God for letting us have this Apo Pilo library.

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august 2, 2010( he-he)

We are supposed to be having our lecture on one of our major subjects—finance. But our subject instructor absented herself due to sickness.
Well, it’s not the subject. It’s just that I am thankful for having a quality time updating my blog and NOT, REALLY NOT because we are far from worries regarding school matters at this very point of our lives, especially someone slothful like me (I have been trying to change my disposition when it comes to my studies).
Here I go, I am again in touch with one of my friends I met at CNSAT—one of the public schools in my very own province, Quirino. I am happy to hear from her again the fact that we haven’t talked for how many years ‘til just a li’l while. As I read her message (via text), I was excited to confabulate with her (again. “Finally”, I even told myself). She’s talking some update about our group or more appropriate to say, their peer circle. She told me about the latest—latest happenings and realities about our friends. My God, I couldn’t help but cry over such issues I’ve known my friends of. What the hell has happened to them? I am not that sad actually but I think they are too young to settle down and not yet prepared for the responsibilities waiting for them as mothers and fathers. What’s happening to the Filipino culture? Is it because they aren’t raised properly or is it because their parents are held responsible for being too strict? My God, I mean not to offend or insult parents but I see it as one of the factors why youths like me are getting out of the line. Oh, talking of having good times and stepping out of the line at times, it isn’t that bad and it isn’t being reckless but reality tells us that when we are not unaware of our limitations, it is becoming too much and it can even get us in despair.
I just want to wish the best for my friends. Whatever lay ahead, don’t forget to call on to God and laging magbagong-buhay. Don’t commit a mistake twice and learn to learn from others mistakes.:)

friendship

Once in my leisure time, I was exchanging text messages with Gurl, we talked about writing and suggested me to write a piece about FRIENDSHIP—particularly on how unlike poles attract. Since then, I’ve been trying to call up how I got into a group, how the friendship started and how each of us in our peer circle jibed behind the differences we have—and what are those differences?
I remember Jomz told me “coke”, when I asked him how our friendship began. Well, I still have a slight recollection about it. During break time in our high school days (we were then, seniors), instead of buying a 12 oz/8 oz bottle of soft drinks, I and whoever my company was, would find one or two to conduce an amount of money with that could afford one liter coke/pop mega (costs 18/15 Php by the time) and we would divide the drink into the number of contributor—it’s cheaper, that’s it!
How unlike signs attract each other? How two or group of people able to click in the midst of their contradistinctions? Oh my! It racks my mind ‘neng!
Well, here are some of the differences of friends I am cognizant of:
  • Religious beliefs,

  • Outlooks in life,

  • Interests and likes,

  • Personalities,

  • Ways of thinking.

We belong to different religions—most of my peers are catholic and I am singly baptized at Iglesia Ni Cristo; I envisage my future positively and, surely, so they do; most of us love different things and do different stuffs but I guess, it’s prevalent in most groups to have the interest to discover who their companions really are; there are introvert and extrovert in our peer circle (I can’t describe each of them in a word eh); and we have our own unique sense of judgment, taking circumstances and different responses to metamorphosis in this ever modernized milieu.
What then, enchains and beefs up the good camaraderie? As I see it, it is for many reasons. Let’s try to examine and look back to the past.
For the nonce as I am writing this piece, an activity of our Values Education subject when we were senior high school, flashes across my mind. It was “BITE MY BACK EVEN IT HURTS” activity our subject teacher prepared—kind of open forum. In the first part, we brought out a piece of paper wherein anyone in the class would write their comments to each of us—masungit, maingay, masakit magsalita, prangka are some of their comments to me. I have been that way but I guess I have to introduce new blood—maybe to be liked by others. Sadly, I couldn’t do the self-transformation easily. To my friends’ part, this girl’s self-centeredness was on the outs for most of us in the group, when she would say “this” then it should be “this”, get? She would go only to where she would feel like going and do what she would feel like doing; there was no rule of majority for her. We were against her hostile ways and it once provoke a spat that our group came to the point of disjuncture—some joined her and others remained in the group. Whew! Sorry, what I can share is obfuscated retention on how we were submitted to arbitration. We talked the “I-want-this” “I-want-that” thing over with the guidance of our teacher (yata). Told our pal to at least, give way to what is in majority and the rest is a history (ha-ha).
Another part of the activity…
We were given the chance to talk in front of the class, speak our mind—mention names of those ones we hate and why (marami pa eh) and freely clear up anything we wanted and even explained ourselves. I did not expect to have the most “hate”. I often remember this girl who enunciated “parang mababa ang tingin niya sa’min” (I was shocked and said in my mind, “what? How could she say so?”). Then my turn to stand in front of the class, I started my speech by saying sorry to those I’ve hurt and cleared myself up to “she-thinks-she’s-got-the-higher-level” girl.
After the open forum …
Ma’am Jane let us approach anyone we want in the class.
I approached my guy friend whom I’ve been so mean to, “sorry [Levin], I love you!” I sincerely uttered. He seemed reluctant to accept my apology so, “hindi na mauulit”, I assured him. So there!
I’ve mentioned dissimilarities I and my friends have, and my flaws I failed to change. See? They might have turned off of me; instead, they accepted me for who I really am.
Let’s go back to the question, how unlike signs attract? Like in magnetism, the poles have fundamental differences but attract each other that which can be explained theoretically; so as to friendship, the clique can be able to come to terms which has psychological explanations (I think).
Perhaps, it’s our interest to discover new things or learn from other person that actuates us to befriend with someone. Perhaps, it’s the easiness we feel towards our acquaintances that makes them persona grata.
What binds the coterie? As what I have observed, it’s the openness—openness to discuss what should be clarified, openness to talk a conflict over to arrange it, openness for such solutions to settle a dispute—comprehension for each others peccancy and mistakes (imperfections) and above all, it’s our friendly love. If we love them, there’s the concern, care, compassion and every positive word related to it (he-he). Love is the root word—it’s where friendship begins.
Even though we have tremendous differences, we have learned to adjust ourselves to each other’s distinct world; we have to accept each other (we thought) but at least, we learned a lot from each others help and at one point, we have learned the real meaning of friendship which is acceptance; another one, we have accepted each other but as time passed by, we have learned to change for the better and perhaps, to have our friends is to discover our real selves.
Through thick and thin, through all the good times and bad times, keep going pals! Aja!
I want to end this with this:
Treasure the friendship you have.:)